


Hold My Hand

by shahondin



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - College/University, Everglow cameo, Friends to Lovers, Hongjoong is not good at expressing his feelings, M/M, Not Beta Read, Seonghwa is oblivious, Side Jongsang, The Boyz cameo, Weki Meki cameo, Yeosang is a great friend, side woosan, stray kids cameo, txt cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 10:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21135242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shahondin/pseuds/shahondin
Summary: Hongjoong is not fond of physical affection but if it's Seonghwa, he would gladly hold his hand until he dies.





	Hold My Hand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [murmurmeow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/murmurmeow/gifts).

> This was supposed to be 1k words. I don't know what happened... 
> 
> Also! There are a bunch of cameos from other groups bc my multi-fandom ass couldn't resist~
> 
> The general idea for this fic is Daria's! Thanks for trusting me with this;;; I hope you'll like it!

Hongjoong and physical affection were not words usually used in one sentence unless one wanted to say how much said person shies away from hugs or other casual touches between friends. It's not like Hongjoong despises it but he doesn't necessarily need them also. The only person he seeks out for an embrace is his mother and sometimes his father as well although the latter shares Hongjoong's opinion. He's just more comfortable with a bit physical distance. Nothing wrong with that. It has never been a problem so far. His friends hugged a lot and even kissed each other on their cheeks from time to time but they never forced Hongjoong to do the same and respected his wishes. 

All was fine and well until his second year at university. The start of the new semester brought not only golden leaves and colder days but also Park Seonghwa, a transfer student from Australia who decided to move to Korea to finish his studies. One might wonder what the new guy has to do with Hongjoong, considering they have different majors and living arrangements. The answer is: Kang Yeosang and his desire to make Hongjoong's life miserable. 

"Oh come on, hyung. It's just a small gathering." The younger pouts and damn, he's only cute when he wants something and that tactic never failed him so far. Small gatherings, as Yeosang liked to call them, usually took place at Jongho's spacious apartment near campus and consisted of more people Hongjoong could count and even more alcohol. 

"How about we meet for a movie or so another time? I don't feel like partying today." Hongjoong doesn't look at his friend because he knows he couldn't resist the other's puppy eyes. Instead, he packs his laptop in his back and makes to leave the almost empty lecture hall to grab some food. 

He should have known Yeosang wouldn't back off so easily. "Mingi and Yunho will be there too! And I invited Wooyoung, you know, my friend from school. And he brings a friend who's also bringing a friend. That's it. Small gathering." The younger catches up to Hongjoong in a few strides.

"And Yunho invites his girlfriend and Sihyeon invites her best friend and so on." He rolls his eyes and Yeosang makes some kind of strangled noise next to him.

They walk in silence for a moment until Yeosang halts and grabs the hem of Hongjoong's sleeve in one hand. "Is it because Jongho and I started dating?" His voice wavers and when Hongjoong looks up he's met with teary eyes and a bitten lip.

"No, of course not!" He's quick to assure but Yeosang still looks so utterly sad. Fuck this. "Okay, I'll come. But only for an hour or so."

Yeosang's face lights up like a Christmas tree and he bounces away with a teethy smile and the promise to pick Hongjoong up this evening. 

The little shit. 

…

There's loud laughter coming from the kitchen that can be heard over the music playing in the living room. Hongjoong frowns and takes another gulp of the dubious drink Mingi pushed in his hands as soon as he and Yeosang stepped into the apartment. He grimaces at the taste but downs the rest regardless, wincing at the burn in his throat. It's not one of those packed parties, thankfully, but there are still enough people to make the air inside feel heavy and warm. Hongjoong recognizes most of the faces around him. Sihyeon, Jiwon and Eunji, friends he already met a few times, Sunwoo and Sangyeon, Jongho's workout buddies, as well as Changbin and Woojin. Nursing his empty cup in his hands, Hongjoong watches Wooyoung throwing his arms around a skinny guy's neck, laughing his ass off while the other smiles fondly, dimples showing and all. Only a few feet away Mingi dances with a tall girl in what he must think is sexy but looks more like a baby bird wanting attention. The girl blinks at him blankly before she smirks and dances just as crazy. 

Hongjoong pulls his phone out and, yep, it's already been an hour which means he's good to go without feeling bad about it. His eyes scan the room in search for Yeosang who he finds on Jongho's lap, quietly listening to his boyfriend talk to a girl. What was her name again? Yooji? Yooja? It's on the tip of his tongue.

"Hey, do you know where the bathroom is?" An unknown voice pulls Hongjoong out of his thoughts. Eyes finally darting away from Yoo-something, he looks up to the stranger next to him. His black hair is cut short at the back but his bangs are longer, almost covering his piercing eyes. 

"Uh… What?" Hongjoong asks when the guy only stares at him in expectation of an answer the smaller didn't quite catch, too distracted by the tongue darting out and wetting the other's lips. 

"The bathroom? I checked the doors over there but there are only a bedroom and some kind of storage room." The guy grimaces as he points to the hallway. 

It takes another second for the question to process. What the heck, Mingi, what did you put in that drink? "You have to walk through the kitchen first." Hongjoong finally mutters and shrugs when the other raises an eyebrow in question. "Don't ask. I would like to know who thought this outline would be a great idea."

"Well, thanks." The guy smiles for the first time and hurries off, leaving Hongjoong staring after him. Maybe he should wait a few more minutes before he goes home. To make sure the other found the bathroom. Can't let the guy walk around with a full bladder and no one else to show him the way to the toilet. When the other returns a minute later, eyes scanning the room with a frown on his face, Hongjoong didn't move from his spot, empty cup still in one hand, gaze locked on the kitchen door. Eyes meeting, the frown falls from the other's face as he comes over. He leans against the wall next to Hongjoong and extends his hand in greeting. "I'm Seonghwa. Are you one of San's friends?"

Hongjoong takes the hand and shakes it briefly before he retracts it again, fingers tapping against his thigh. "Who's San?" His eyebrows knit together as he tries to remember if he ever heard of that name. Instead of answering, Seonghwa points to Wooyoung and the dimple guy making out in the armchair next to Yeosang who throws bits of popcorn at them occasionally. 

"Ah." Hongjoong's mouth plops open. "No, but I'm friends with the guy in whose mouth he's shoving his tongue into." His deadpan statement is met with a chuckle. "I'm Hongjoong, by the way."

If this would be a romcom, Hongjoong would make a fool out of himself and stumble so Seonghwa would catch him, looking lovingly into his eyes. They would fall in love instantly, yadda yadda. If this would be one of those strange abo fanfictions Wooyoung likes to read about his favourite band, Seonghwa's scent would probably knock him off his feet when the other leans over to grab some snacks from the table and the hand accidentally brushing his thigh would cause the slick to-- Ugh, no.

Nothing like that happens though. Hongjoong stays a few more hours, talks to Seonghwa and has a good time. At some point a girl named Doyeon pulls Hongjoong from his spot to dance and Seonghwa follows them. 

He has so much fun, he's not even mad at Yeosang grinning at him like he knows something Hongjoong himself is not aware of yet.

…

Hongjoong soon learns that Seonghwa is just as touchy as his other friends, always pulling everyone into his arms in greeting or casually resting his hand on someone's thigh. Surprisingly though, Hongjoong is okay with that. He's still not big at initiating those touches himself but doesn't mind as much as he thought when Seonghwa leans against him when they study at the other's room. Maybe it's because they just clicked at the party a few weeks ago or it's because they somehow ended up spending most of their free time together. Whatever the reason is, Hongjoong doesn't think about it and soon enough those hugs and linked arms are normal for him.

It's not until the group meets again - this time for a real small gathering - that things get awkward between them. Hongjoong is sitting on the couch in Wooyoung's apartment he shares with some guy named Yeonjun, a bottle of soda in one hand and the other fumbling with his phone. Seonghwa and San are making a quick dinner while the rest is busy playing some card game Hongjoong doesn't know. 

"So who's winning?" Seonghwa asks in fake interest as he sits down close to Hongjoong. San literally falls onto Wooyoung after taking a sneaky glance at Yunho's cards. 

"I have no clue. Mingi is whining a lot but I think that's some kind of tactic." Hongjoong muses and puts his phone away to fully focus on his friend. 

Seonghwa hums and tries to listen in on the bickering going on at the coffee table but leans back a moment after. "As long as they're done when the rice is ready." He shrugs with a small smile. "Oh, is this new?"

Hongjoong looks down at his hand and musters the ring Seonghwa is probably talking about. "Yeah, I bought it online and it arrived earlier today." His fingers absently start to play with the accessory. "It's a tad too big though."

"Let me see." Without further warning, Seonghwa takes Hongjoong's hand in his and tests how loose the ring sits on his finger. "You could always wear it on your thumb or as a necklace if you're afraid of losing it." Seonghwa seems to be done with the topic as he turns back to watch their friends. His hand, however, is still holding Hongjoong's, thumb gently brushing the inside of his palm. 

It should be awkward. Hongjoong always thought it is. Hands are usually either clammy and gross or too warm in general or too cold or just rough and therefore unpleasant. Seonghwa's hand is soft and gentle and it makes Hongjoong question everything he thought before. 

"Hyung, Hongjoong-hyung doesn't like stuff like this." Jongho's voice suddenly cuts through Hongjoong's daze. Seonghwa looks confused for a moment until Mingi explains Hongjoong's aversion to physical affection.

The hand holding his is gone in an instant.

"Sorry, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable." Seonghwa grimaces and he looks so hurt at the thought of forcing his casual touches on Hongjoong without thinking. He seems to interpret whatever expression Hongjoong has on his face as confirmation, scooting a bit farther away on the couch. 

Fuck, that hurt.

…

They still meet up regularly, still grab lunch together or even go to karaoke. Seonghwa is the same as before, still nags when Hongjoong forgets to tidy up his room or brings him something to eat when the younger forgets the time, holed up in the library for hours nonstop. Everything's the same as before. Well, almost. Whereas Seonghwa used to lean his head on Hongjoong's shoulder when he was tired, he now keeps his distance. Seonghwa doesn't let it become awkward though. So there's no need to feel the way Hongjoong feels every time Seonghwa absently reaches out his hand but retracts it as soon as he notices what he does.

"You look like someone ate your birthday cake." Yeosang plops down next to Hongjoong on the elder's bed, arms crossed behind his head and legs draped over his friend's. 

Hongjoong scoffs, eyes trained on the ceiling. "I don't even get a cake from you guys." 

"Okay, let me rephrase that." A pause. "You look like you need a hug but you're too dumb to ask for it."

"Too dumb to--" Hongjoong sits up and shoves Yeosang from the bed, the younger falling to the ground without complaint. "I'm just tired."

There's a hum coming from the floor. "Tired from being alone." Yeosang sings while he pulls the blanket off the bed to make himself comfortable on the floor. 

"I don't know why we're friends." Hongjoong grumbles.

"Because you helped me out in my first week here and I decided my lovely presence is a approtiate thanks."

Another scoff, then silence.

Yeosang might be a tiny bit right though. Hongjoong sees Seonghwa almost every day but he still misses him somehow. Those fleeting touches he didn't even really notice before, the warmth and calmness those touches brought. 

Never had he thought he would crave to hold someone's hand. But here he is, laying on his bed without a blanket, feeling miserable because Seonghwa won't hold his hand anymore.

"Some wise soul once said communication is key." Yeosang speaks up as he snatches the pillow from under Hongjoong's head. 

…

Although Yeosang has a good point, Hongjoong can't bring himself to talk to Seonghwa about it so he decides to make the other hold his hand again without asking him to. Because he's clever. And it's easier than talking, duh. 

The first try is simple. Hongjoong drums with his fingers on the table top while they're studying for an upcoming quiz. It's not hard to tell that Seonghwa gets more and more annoyed with each passing second, his left eye starts to twitch already. Which is great. Hongjoong picks up the pace, his fingers now wildly tapping against the wooden surface. Every minute now the other will lay his hand on Hongjoong's to stop the drumming. 

Seonghwa closes his eyes and rubs his temples. He takes a deep breath, his right hand reaching over the table and -- 

He takes his phone to check the time, announcing that they should take a small break.

…

The next try is a bit more forward. In the sanctuary of the darkness, Seonghwa and Hongjoong sit next to each other, their friends scattered on the remaining furniture in Jongho's living room while a movie plays on the flatscreen. The younger sneaks his hand more and more in Seonghwa's direction. He slides up the couch with his hands propped on either side of his thighs and just lets his left hand lay there, right next to Seonghwa's. His pinky slowly crawls to the warmth and carefully brushes his friend's hand that disappears as soon as their skin meets.

"Oh sorry." Seonghwa whispers with a small smile and lays his hand down on his own thigh. 

Hongjoong smiles back and hopes it looks genuine. "No problem…" 

…

Third time's a charm, Hongjoong thinks as he presses the tip of his ballpen into his palm. He musters the small, dark blue spot and nods in satisfaction. This plan can't fail. 

He's a genius. 

Seonghwa returns from his trip to one of the vending machines down the hall with a pack of M&Ms. Hongjoong quickly drops his gaze back to his hand and frowns, a pout on his lips for good measure as he pretends to scrub with his thumb on his palm. 

"Are you okay?" Seonghwa sits down and tilts his head in question.

Laying his open hand on top of his papers, Hongjoong shakes his head. "No, the blot won't come off." 

Seonghwa leans closer to inspect the spot and brushes it with his pointer. The touch is so light, Hongjoong wouldn't have noticed it if he weren't staring at the other's hand. He retracts his hand again and pulls out wet wipes from his backpack. "I always have those with me. You don't know when emergencies like this happen." He passes Hongjoong the packet and returns to his textbook.

Oh, fuck this. 

…

"I guess you haven't told him yet?" Yeosang takes a big sip from his milkshake, a light film covering the skin over his lips when he puts the glass down again. 

"Would you please shut up for a change?" Hongjoong has to remind himself why he's so close to Yeosang when all the younger does is giving him headaches. 

Yeosang grins and drinks some more. 

"Okay, I need a favour." It pains Hongjoong to ask but at this point he's desperate. He started dreaming about Seonghwa holding his hand, his thumb brushing the back of it tenderly. If it only would be his need to be affectionate with Seonghwa, it wouldn't be a big problem. Nothing he couldn't manage. But no, he had to go and develop a crush on his caring friend that got blessed with not only a handsome face, attractive body and wonderful personality but also lips he would gladly press his own against. 

"Earth to Hongjoong?" Yeosang's teasing voice breaks through his daydream, causing Hongjoong to snap his attention back to his friend who finished his milkshake already. 

"No respect these days." Hongjoong scrunched up his nose and kicks his friend under the table. "Anyways… I heard Jongho is throwing a party this weekend and--"

"A small gathering."

Hongjoong stares at Yeosang, unimpressed and cold. The other smiles like the most innocent person on earth.

"And I know you guys like to play Truth or Dare." He makes a pause, hopes that Yeosang knows what he's asking for. 

"Dunno. Maybe." Yeosang shrugs and scans the menu, eyes spotting a lava cake. 

"Yeosang, my dear friend." The other looks up reluctantly. "You want that cake?" A nod.

"I buy it for you if--" Yeosang cheers quietly and dances in his seat, hand already waving the waitress over. He places an order of two lava cakes - one to go because Jongho might want one after his workout too - and looks back to Hongjoong with a pleased expression. 

"I want you to help me out with Seonghwa. Dare him to hold my hand or something like that." 

His plan is idiot proof. 

…

"I dare you to do a handstand and drink the rest of your beer." Sihyeon grins at Mingi. 

San whoops and Yoojung springs up to get a straw. Mingi rolls his shoulders while Yunho and Hanbin shove the chest of drawers aside so Mingi can lean against the wall. 

Hongjoong watches as his friend fulfils his dare easily, not a single drop of beer landing on the floor. There's a big round of applause and another bottle of freshly opened beer for Mingi who asks Soobin if he ever pretended to be a pet in public. A few more truths and dares are passed from one person to another until it's finally Yeosang's turn. He leans on Jongho, eyes unfocused and half closed.

"Joong-hyung." He slurs with great effort. Jongho pats his back and takes the beer out of his boyfriend's hands. "I dare you to hold hands." 

Hongjoong nervously glances at Seonghwa who's sitting a few spots away. 

"Babe, whose hand should he hold?" Jongho's softly murmurs into Yeosang's hair, barely loud enough to hear for the rest.

"Uh." Yeosang blinks. He lifts his hand and points in Seonghwa's general direction. Hongjoong bites on his bottom lip to suppress his grin and turns towards Seonghwa.

Only to be met with Eunji who sits next to Seonghwa, hand already outstretched for Hongjoong to take. 

Oh come on.

…

"And this is why How to Train Your Dragon is the best DreamWorks movie." Seonghwa finishes his short rant. They're lounging on the elder's bed, laptop playing the ending credits of said movie they just watched. 

"I'm glad you showed me." He really is glad. And thankful for so many things including Seonghwa. The other goes on and on about how adorable Toothless is and Hongjoong melts into the pillow, thoughts hung up on the fact that Seonghwa himself is adorable. And gorgeous. 100% boyfriend material. 

Unfortunately not his boyfriend. Yet. 

Tired of waiting and making up new plans, Hongjoong blurs out what he wants the most at this moment. "Hold my hand and be my boyfriend, Park Seonghwa."

Seonghwa, however, fails to hear him and continues talking while he cleans the bed from their leftover snacks and crumps. 

Direct approach: failed. 

…

Hongjoong is tired. Tired and sad. All his attempts to get closer to Seonghwa failed miserably and he doesn't know what to do anymore. Yeosang looks at him expectantly every time they meet up and Hongjonng knows, he _knows_ he could just tell Seonghwa that he likes him and ask him out on a date but he can't. Every time he opens his mouth to do it, his throat closes up and his breath stops, a painfully tightened feeling in his gut. 

Half sitting, half lying on the couch in Seonghwa's flat, Hongjoong stares at the wall across from him, eyes unblinking as the painting starts to blur in front of him. It's a nice painting. Seonghwa has good taste. Can he get even more perfect? 

"Do you want salted or sweet popcorn?" Seonghwa calls from the kitchen, bowls cluttering as he rummages through his cupboards. 

"Sweet!" Hongjoong shouts back and finally closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them again, the world around him is back in focus, the painting clear as day. As well as the thing on the ground in front of it. Frowning, Hongjoong gets up from the couch and steps forward to inspect the dark, longish thing on the ground. He can't deciber what it is so he crouches down and squints. Is that a snake? Leaning even closer, Hongjoong's gasps in horror. It has several hairy legs. _Oh god._

"Seonghwa." His voice is high, wavers a bit. He hears the other entering the living room but can't take his eyes off the snake-spider. A spake? Snider? There's no time to think of the absurdity of the existence of that animal when it _moves_, forty hairy legs crawling in Hongjoong's direction. 

He yelps and springs up, feet unconsciously taking him to Seonghwa who watches in confusion. Hongjoong doesn't think and clutches his friend's hand in both of his, eyes squeezed shut. 

"Are you okay, Joong?" There's a warm hand on his back, stroking up and down while the thumb of Seonghwa's other hand brushes over his knuckles. 

"There-- There was--" Hongjoong looks up with eyes wide and frightened. He points at the corner where he saw the _thing_. Seonghwa doesn't let go, thankfully, and cranes his neck to look over the shorter's head. 

"There's nothing." 

Hongjoong whirls around, hand still interlocked with the other's, and dares to look as well. There is indeed nothing. "I think I need to sleep."

"It's okay, you can sleep here. I take the couch." Seonghwa offers and is about to release Hongjoong's hand when the other holds on tight. "Joong?"

"Don't." Oh god, this is so embarrassing but it might be the only chance he gets. "Don't let go."

Seonghwa's confused frown melts into a soft smile. "I thought you don't like stuff like this."

Hongjoong shrugs, eyes trained on the floor and cheeks hot. "It's different if it's you."

"Is this okay too?" Seonghwa asks as he pulls the smaller in his arms and guides his head to rest in the crook of his neck. He smells so good, Hongjoong can't resist and presses his nose against Seonghwa's throat. 

"Perfect." Hongjoong slings his arms around Seonghwa's waist and sighs, still tired but content and happy nonetheless. 

They share Seonghwa's bed, two pillows and two blankets but in the small space between their fingers are intertwined as they sleep peacefully. 

…

"Are we allowed to pester Hongjoong-oppa with hugs now?" Yiren's eyes sparkle while she takes in Hongjoong's position on Seonghwa's lap on the couch in one of the quieter corners of the room. 

"Nah, I think that's boyfriend's privilege." Sunwoo shrugs and offers her one of the cups Mingi handed out in the kitchen. 

"That tastes awful" She shivers visibly but takes another gulp regardless. 

Across the room, Hongjoong hides his yawn in Seonghwa's shoulder and peers at his watch afterwards. 

"Wanna go home already?" Seonghwa sounds quite tired himself and Hongjoong is glad he seems to want to leave the party as well. Yeosang calls them old married couple and he might not be that wrong. 

Hongjoong nods and quickly bids goodbye to their friends with a wave and scrambles outside of Jongho's apartment. Seonghwa is right behind him and curses the cold under his breath.

Chuckling at his boyfriend's disgruntled expression, Hongjoong interlaces his fingers with Seonghwa's and then shoves their joined hands in the big pocket of his jacket. He quickly presses a peck on the other's lips before they hurry to Seonghwa's flat.

**Author's Note:**

> Tag yourself; I'm Yeosang.


End file.
